Haaa....big baby. Are you worried I'm going to dump you guys for them? Leave you for new shiny friends? Even I'm not that fickle.
[Reaching up to ruffle Gold's hair with both hands. Tired, but proud of Gold for saying what he wants, soft dere]
...I've been fighting a lot with Wild City lately. I've been trying to distance myself a little so when things go wrong I don't feel like it's all my fault. And I've been trying to distance to make you feel a little more secure. And when North came back she immediately like....launched into a speech that basically boils down to suggesting Wild City was falling apart and I have a drinking problem. So then I got self conscious and felt like I was being judged for how I've been coping with my anxiety. I could sense you and B and C were anxious, but I didn't know how to fix it. I've felt helpless and useless and kinda like a fuck up who can't make anyone happy and it just reminds me I've never really had "friends" and made me think maybe I'm not supposed to? Something like that.
[Sorry about the giant wave of self loathing, ruffling Gold's hair again]
To be honest, I'm used to friends crushing on me at this point. And teammates. So I'm probably not as uncomfortable with it as most people are? Plus I act flirty a lot, so it's something I bring on myself in general.
It's not that I'm replacing you guys. It's not that I'm mad at you guys or disappointed or anything. Nothing is your or B or C's fault. And no one can replace you guys in my heart, okay? I'm just....I feel a little helpless in being able to make people I care about feel better right now. I know I can make them happy though so I've been leaning into it pretty hard and chasing that feeling a little.
Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game
[Reaching up to ruffle Gold's hair with both hands. Tired, but proud of Gold for saying what he wants, soft dere]
...I've been fighting a lot with Wild City lately. I've been trying to distance myself a little so when things go wrong I don't feel like it's all my fault. And I've been trying to distance to make you feel a little more secure. And when North came back she immediately like....launched into a speech that basically boils down to suggesting Wild City was falling apart and I have a drinking problem. So then I got self conscious and felt like I was being judged for how I've been coping with my anxiety. I could sense you and B and C were anxious, but I didn't know how to fix it. I've felt helpless and useless and kinda like a fuck up who can't make anyone happy and it just reminds me I've never really had "friends" and made me think maybe I'm not supposed to? Something like that.
[Sorry about the giant wave of self loathing, ruffling Gold's hair again]
To be honest, I'm used to friends crushing on me at this point. And teammates. So I'm probably not as uncomfortable with it as most people are? Plus I act flirty a lot, so it's something I bring on myself in general.
It's not that I'm replacing you guys. It's not that I'm mad at you guys or disappointed or anything. Nothing is your or B or C's fault. And no one can replace you guys in my heart, okay? I'm just....I feel a little helpless in being able to make people I care about feel better right now. I know I can make them happy though so I've been leaning into it pretty hard and chasing that feeling a little.