calmthefoxdown: (Gentle victory.)
Miya Osamu ([personal profile] calmthefoxdown) wrote2019-12-31 02:25 pm
Entry tags:

Overflow

For thread overflows when captcha finally comes for me.
shutthefoxup: (Pick ya dress out)

Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game

[personal profile] shutthefoxup 2020-05-10 08:43 pm (UTC)(link)
[Love and appreciation and reassurance]

I know. You're just supporting me. Nothing to feel guilt about, you're not a jerk.
shutthefoxup: (Only got a couple hours)

Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game

[personal profile] shutthefoxup 2020-05-10 09:05 pm (UTC)(link)
[Hums in agreement, cuddling closer. Amusted and affection and possessive]

We're definitely both jerks, but it's fine. You only want to see me happy though, I get it.
shutthefoxup: (Get what I want cause I ask for it)

Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game

[personal profile] shutthefoxup 2020-05-10 09:24 pm (UTC)(link)
For starters....? This is pretty great.
shutthefoxup: (So I'll run you'll hide)

Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game

[personal profile] shutthefoxup 2020-05-10 09:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Time with you, time with our boys, just relaxing together and doing fun things....
shutthefoxup: (You can count on me to misbehave)

Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game

[personal profile] shutthefoxup 2020-05-10 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)
It was partly selfish. I like doing things with you and I wanted to make sure you got out. Plus it seemed like a good distraction for you. And I knew the boys would love it.
shutthefoxup: (Don't do love don't do friends)

Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game

[personal profile] shutthefoxup 2020-05-10 10:39 pm (UTC)(link)
You can't ever predict what gets people horny. I just assume 'everything'. I really didn't think the costumes suited us though...like I thought it'd be more ha ha?
shutthefoxup: (In the bassline)

Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game

[personal profile] shutthefoxup 2020-05-10 11:10 pm (UTC)(link)
[Looking up at the concern...there's his own hesitation, but he pushes through it, taking Golds hand]

I wasn't okay with C telling Scythe to go for it, but we talked it out.
shutthefoxup: (Til it all shuts down)

Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game

[personal profile] shutthefoxup 2020-05-10 11:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Of course comforting C and supporting him is my priority...but I don't think it's fair to toy with Scythe's feelings though.

[Trying to push down a small wave of nerves, guilt, frustration (directed at himself)....hesitating before continuing]

I'd like to get to know them....but if you guys don't want me to talk to them...I need to know that. I know B isn't happy with me.
shutthefoxup: (They call it lonely digging)

Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game

[personal profile] shutthefoxup 2020-05-11 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
[Thinking it over...at first there's no emotion...but then there's a small flash of hurt, regret, guilt, loneliness...]

...it's hard to explain, but...Scythe and Coriander AREN'T Aries and Haruto. They're so similar but so different at the same time. They got a foot in the door because I miss Aries and Haruto so much...a cheat code. I'm not confusing them for each other. I just want to help them in the way Aries and Haruto helped me and pay it forward a little. And...a lot of the things I like about Aries and Haruto I like about them too. They're not replacements though, they're definitely different.

If another Osamu showed up here...I'd want to get to know them. They wouldn't be you, they couldn't replace you even if they tried. If you weren't here with me though...having a version of you here....it would be a painful reminder but it would also help the ache a little. Maybe that makes me a bad person... I'm probably using them a little bit to make myself feel better.

But no matter how similar other versions are, they don't share the same experiences with me. We don't have the same history.
shutthefoxup: (Still the same old story)

Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game

[personal profile] shutthefoxup 2020-05-11 01:26 am (UTC)(link)
[Reaching up to trace the furrow of his brow]

You're enough. More than enough. You can't...replace them...but you definitely are enough to fill the hole, okay? If I lost you, I couldn't recover from that.

[Frowns at that...pushing down a flash of hurt, trying to be as comforting and reassuring as possible]

It's not the same. You, B and C are my boys. You're the ones I'm going home with. You guys are my home.
shutthefoxup: (Its not hard to be left behind)

Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game

[personal profile] shutthefoxup 2020-05-11 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
[Bumping foreheads with him, squeezing his hand back; there's definitely an ache and worry and a feeling of helplessness and want]

I want you guys to be happy with me. That's what I want. So how do I make that happen. I don't want you guys to be angry or hurt or think you're being replaced. You guys are the best hing I have, I don't want to risk losing you.
shutthefoxup: (You got the power)

Re: Day 235, Emotionshare Game

[personal profile] shutthefoxup 2020-05-11 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
Haaa....big baby. Are you worried I'm going to dump you guys for them? Leave you for new shiny friends? Even I'm not that fickle.

[Reaching up to ruffle Gold's hair with both hands. Tired, but proud of Gold for saying what he wants, soft dere]

...I've been fighting a lot with Wild City lately. I've been trying to distance myself a little so when things go wrong I don't feel like it's all my fault. And I've been trying to distance to make you feel a little more secure. And when North came back she immediately like....launched into a speech that basically boils down to suggesting Wild City was falling apart and I have a drinking problem. So then I got self conscious and felt like I was being judged for how I've been coping with my anxiety. I could sense you and B and C were anxious, but I didn't know how to fix it. I've felt helpless and useless and kinda like a fuck up who can't make anyone happy and it just reminds me I've never really had "friends" and made me think maybe I'm not supposed to? Something like that.

[Sorry about the giant wave of self loathing, ruffling Gold's hair again]

To be honest, I'm used to friends crushing on me at this point. And teammates. So I'm probably not as uncomfortable with it as most people are? Plus I act flirty a lot, so it's something I bring on myself in general.

It's not that I'm replacing you guys. It's not that I'm mad at you guys or disappointed or anything. Nothing is your or B or C's fault. And no one can replace you guys in my heart, okay? I'm just....I feel a little helpless in being able to make people I care about feel better right now. I know I can make them happy though so I've been leaning into it pretty hard and chasing that feeling a little.